


Acceptance

by gray_autumn_sky



Series: Unraveled [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 23:19:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8228162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gray_autumn_sky/pseuds/gray_autumn_sky
Summary: A follow up to Unraveled.Robin helps Regina to accept the Evil Queen.





	

He starts to say her name as he enters the room, a cup of steaming tea in hand, but his voice halts when he spots her and a smile tugs onto his lips instead. He treads quietly toward her, setting the cup down onto the table at her side as he sits beside her, pulling the blanket up around her and gently brushing her hair from her eyes.

It doesn’t matter that it’s the middle of the afternoon or that they’d been preparing for a quiet Sunday together or that this is the first bit of alone time they’ve had together since she  home from the hospital. He’s glad to let her sleep because he knows better than most that she hasn’t been doing very much of that lately, that most of her attempts last no more than an hour—and once she’s awake, she’s awake, and there’s little to nothing that he can do to calm her.

Though she doesn’t like to talk about it, she’s been having nightmares—and though she’s always struggled with sleep, it’s never been quite like this. Before, she’d startle in the middle of the night and wake up with a start; her heart would race and there’d be tears welled in her eyes, but no sooner than she was awake, she was able to bring herself back into the present. He’d wake up with her, wordlessly pulling her into his arms, and she’d cuddle into his chest reminding her over and over again that whatever it was that woke her, it was gone and it wasn’t real. She didn’t say much, but after a few minutes her breathing would return back to normal, and slowly, they’d both fall back to sleep.

But now, it wasn’t like that—now, she awoke in tears, crying out as her eyes flew open, flinching at even the softest of touches. There were times when she had trouble coming out of the nightmare, her eyes widening with terror as he stroked her softly and tried—usually in vain—to comfort her. And even after she calmed down, she laid awake beside him, unable and unwilling to go back to sleep. Instead, she lied quietly, staring up at the ceiling with wide and fearful eyes, almost as though she’s just waiting for their return—because her demons are no longer figments that lived in the deep recesses of her memories. Now, they were living, breathing and tangible.

But her slumber doesn’t last for long and only a couple minutes after he sat down beside, she cries out, flinching as she sucks in the air, gasping as her eyes fly open, and for just a moment, she stares at him with terror filling her eyes, staring at him as if she doesn’t even know him—and that’s likely because even though she’s looking at him, it’s not him that she sees.

 “Regina, love…”

“No, please... no…”

“You’re okay, love,” he tells her gently. “I won’t hurt you.”

She blinks. “Robin…”

“I’m here,” he says, tentatively reaching out and stoking the back of his fingers over her cheek, smiling when she doesn’t pull away. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

“I… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“But, I thought you were…”

He nods, as her voice trails off and her eyes sink closed as she takes a deep breath. She doesn’t have to say it; he knows exactly who she thought he was—the same person who plagued her thoughts whether she was asleep or awake, the person she both hated and feared, the person she never wanted to be, and the person she fought against daily—the person she used to be.

“It’s okay,” he tells her again. “You’re okay.”

She nods as she leans into him, and he pulls her closer, hating that there’s nothing he can do to help her. In any other circumstance, he’d hate the person who did this to her and it’d be his mission in life to make them pay for what they’d done. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to hate the Evil Queen.

Only a few days after she’d awoken in the hospital, after the breathing tube had been removed, Regina had looked up at him with teary eyes and flushed cheeks, and she told him she regretted what she’d done—that she regretted separating herself from the Evil Queen—but she didn’t regret it because she accepted that part of herself, but because she was no longer there to push down the Queen’s urges or protect the people she loved. Her eyes pressed shut, forcing tears down her cheeks as she quietly told him that she’d failed—once again, she’d failed.

And his heart broke for her, all over again.

“I was reading,” she begins, pulling her head up and blinking away her remaining tears. “And I just… fell asleep.”

“You’re tired,” he murmurs, reaching out and tucking her hair behind her ear. “Try to go back to sleep. I’ll be right here with you and…”

“No,” she interjects, not even willing to consider it and shaking her head as she pulls back and picks up the book in her lap. “There… has to be something in here that can help.” He watches as her fingers stroke over a leather bound book. “Or, in one of them…”

“Just for a little while…”

“No,” she says again. “I… I need to do this,” she murmurs, glancing quickly back up at him. “This is my fight and… and I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I just… I feel so helpless.” Her eyes press shut and she takes a breath. “And I _hate_ feeling this way.” 

“You won’t be much good to anyone—especially not yourself—if you don’t get some rest,” he says, trying his best not to sound accusatory or demanding. “Just a couple of hours…”

“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t,” she tells him, looking back at him as her eyes soften. “I just can’t.”

“Okay,” he says, letting out a breath as he shifts himself forward, reaching for another book on the coffee table and the cup of tea. “At least, try to relax a little, then?” She grins when he poses it as a question, and offers him a little nod as she accepts the cup. “We’ll figure this out,” he tells her, and again, she nods—but this time, he can tell that she doesn’t quite believe him, no matter how much she wants to.

For weeks, they’d been searching for an antidote—be it a spell or a potion—just something—anything—to undo what she’d done to herself in that night in New York. He was glad that it was her suggestion and something she has decided for herself—and he hoped that her desire to bring together the two sides of herself would bring her a sense of inner peace, that she could come to accept her past and by extension, accept herself. Yet, he feared she wanted this for all the wrong reasons, and it pained him to think that she considered herself a burden that only she should have to bear.

As the weeks went on, it seemed that he was right—for her reintegrating herself wasn’t about accepting the parts of herself that she didn’t like, the parts she couldn’t be proud of and the parts that caused her pain, and it wasn’t an reconciling past demons. Instead, it seemed to be about protecting everyone else at her own expense, sacrificing her own happiness to shield those she loved from everything she feared, and her penance for the sins of her past.  And he hated that she didn’t see it as a marker of her strength and resilience, a sign of hope and second chance, and reminder that something good could come from something broken.

“This is useless,” she says with a sigh. “I don’t even know what we’re looking for and even if we do find something, we have to rely on _her_ willingness to… do whatever it is we have to do.” He sighs as he looks up, smiling wistfully and wishing there were something he could say, something he could to help. “I just… I never thought that I’d…” Her voice trails off and she looks away. “Never mind,” she says as her cheeks flush.

“What?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Regina,” he begins, closing the book he’d been skimming through and dropping it down between them. She looks back at him and takes breath, and he can’t help but notice that she looks guilty—guilty and ashamed. “It’s okay… whatever it is, it’s okay.”

Shaking her head, she once more looks away. “I just… it’s still there.”

“What is?”

“The darkness, the thing I thought I’d gotten rid of,” she admits quietly. “Those thoughts and feelings, it’s all still there.” She sighs and looks back in his direction, but is careful not to look at him. “This was all for nothing.”

“Regina, you’re human. You…”

“You know what the worst part of it is, though?” She asks, cutting in as her eyes meet his. “I never thought I’d miss that part of myself… the part of me that caused so much pain for so many people.” Shaking her head, she shrugs her shoulders, smiling meekly as tears fill her eyes. “I don’t feel like myself, and thought that’d be a good thing but—I just—there’s this emptiness and this ache and, I…”

“Oh, love,” he murmurs as her voice trails off, and he pulls her into his arms, pressing a soft kiss to her temple, not really knowing what to say.

“I shouldn’t want to be that person…”

“But you’re not,” he murmurs. “You stopped being that person a long time ago, long before you removed her from yourself.”

“But she was always there and I… I thought…” She takes her head and takes another breath in attempt to keep her tears at bay. “I just thought if I could quiet that little voice in my head that… that belonged to her, things would be better.” She presses closer. “But it was just replaced by another one.” For a moment, she’s quiet, and still, he’s not quite sure what to say to her, knowing that he can’t fix this or make it any better. “I just never thought it’d be like this.”

“We’ll figure this out.”

“Maybe…” She’s not convinced and she pushes herself back a bit, smiling sadly as their eyes meet. “I think I’m going to take a shower. I just feel…” She sighs and rolls her eyes. “Maybe I’ll feel better if I do.”

“Okay,” he says with a nod, standing and offering her a hand. She smiles appreciatively as she grabs onto his hand, letting him help her up and wincing only slightly. “Come on, I’ll help you get in.”

She nods and sighs again as his arm slides around her waist, holding onto her and guiding her slowly up the stairs. He knows that she hates this—that she need assistance to the most basic of things, that she can’t be self-sufficient and that everything has to be done slowly—but nonetheless she leans in and kisses his cheek as a thank you when he helps her out of her clothes and turns on the water, grabbing her some towels as she twists her hair up into a clip. He slides back the shower doors and takes her hand, helping her into shower.

“It’s only temporary, love,” he murmurs as he lets her go. “All of this is only temporary.”

She nods, understanding that he’s talking about more than her lack of mobility—that he’s making yet another promise neither of them are sure that he can keep, but both want to believe in for very different reasons.

“I just wish…” she beings, looking away as her cheeks once more flush and she sighs. “Never mind.”

“Call when you need me, okay?”

She nods as he slides the glass door shut and goes back to the bedroom. He leave the door cracked, and falls back on the bed, closing his eyes for just a moment, wishing more than anything he could offer her more than empty reassurance or that at the very least, he could help her to accept herself for who she is—and for who she was—and help to understand that the darkness didn’t take away the light.

And then suddenly, he gets the sensation that he’s not alone. Slowly, he sits up—and there she is, leaning against the dresser, watching him with a curious expression.

“You were right,” she says as her smile twists onto her lips. “This is temporary.” A little tingle runs down his spine as he takes her in—she’s Regina, but not and she’s standing there in black, tight-fitted dress with her hair wound up atop her head. He takes a breath as he eyes linger over her, and he knows that he should hate her for what she’s done to Regina, both physically and emotionally, but he can’t bring himself to do that because she _is_ Regina. “Only one of us is going to survive,” she adds, laughing a little as she pushes herself forward. “And I _always_ win.”

“I disagree,” he says as he rises to his feet, watching as she sizes him up. “I think there’s hope for both of you.”

“Hope,” she scoffs. “I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Thief.” She leans in and he can feel her breath on his lips and a small smile etches onto his lips. “There’s no such thing.”

“Again, I’m going to have to disagree.”

“You know, disagreeing with me is a dangerous game,” she says, stepping even closer so that they’re chest-to-chest. “And I don’t appreciate being underestimated.”

“I know,” he tells her with a little laugh, his thoughts shifting to Regina and her underlying determination regardless of the task at hand. He thinks of her fortitude and strength, and he thinks of all the times she’s overcome insurmountable odds, flourishing against the impossible and taking pride in it. “I would never underestimate you,” he tells her as his shoulders square. “I know better that that… M’lady.”

She growls as her brow creases and a rage flickers behind her eyes—reminding him so much of the mask she wore when they’d first met in the Enchanted Forest. He thinks of how bristly she was, how quick she was to lash out, and he thinks about how it had all been nothing more than a carefully crafted façade she used to protect herself—and he can’t help but think she’s doing just that again. “It’s Your Majesty.”

“Right, of course,” he says with an easy little nod as her jaw tightens, clearly annoyed by his unwillingness to back down and his obvious amusement to her annoyance. “You know,” he begins as smile twists onto his lips. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“Oh, you should be,” she replies with a mechanical laugh. “You really should be.”

“Is that so?”

He hears the shower turn off and the glass doors slide open—and suddenly, he thinks of Regina, her desperation and disappointment and suddenly, he has a flicker idea that’s just crazy enough that it might actually work, that it might actually be the magical fix they’d been searching for. Looking back at the Evil Queen, his eyes narrow and he remembers something Regina said earlier about the Queen’s willingness—and he wonders and suddenly, it doesn’t seem all that crazy. He reaches out and brushes the back of his fingers against her cheek, watching as her dark eyes widen and she lets out a shaky breath, unnerved by his touch but unable to recoil—and his smile deepens, realizing he has the same affect on the Evil Queen as he has on Regina.

He takes her hand and she hisses, but doesn’t pull away. “I’ve never been afraid of you,” he tells her as he rubs his thumb over the back of her wrist, and he thinks of how reluctant Regina’s always been to accept love and her steadfast belief that she was somehow unworthy of it—and how ultimately and perhaps ironically, it was love that saved her from the darkness. “Quite the contrary, actually.”

“You don’t love _me_. You can’t _possibly_.”

“But I do…”

“You love _her_ ,” she tells him, her eyes darkening as they meet his.  

“I do,” he says with a nod. “I do love her. I love _all_ of her, even the parts of her she thinks are unlovable—even you.” He brings the back of her hand to his lips and kisses it softly. “I’ve held your heart in my hands and I’ve felt it beat…”

“So you know how black it is,” she growls, closely eyeing his fingers at her wrist and once more making no effort to pull away. “You know exactly what I’m capable of.”

“I do know what you’re capable of,” he agrees, looking up at her and only seeing Regina and understanding that they’re one in the same. “And I know how resilient you are, how deeply you feel, how intensely you love…”

“You don’t know _anything_ ,” she manages to say in a voice that’s suddenly hoarse.

“But I do—I know _you_ ,” he murmurs as he leans in. There’s a flash of something in her eyes—something familiar, but something he can’t quite place, and it makes him wonder if he should pull back. It’s not lost on him how quickly this could go awry, how effortlessly she could turn the tables and char him to a crisp—but then there’s that little flicker of something as his fingers fold down around hers, tugging her closer as his other hand sweeps against her jaw. Her eyes widen with mild alarm at his tender touches as a grin pulls at corners of his mouth when her eyes finally settle on his lips—almost as if daring him to continue. So, he takes small breath and leans in the rest of the way, taking her lips in his, sucking gently—and almost cautiously—at her lips. His tongue traces the seam of her lips, pushing between them as she takes a step in—and then suddenly, her hand is in his hair, pulling him closer and pulling him deeper as she kisses him back, kissing him with a passionate craving.

And then suddenly, there’s a flash of something between them…and then once more, the kiss changes.

Her lips soften against his as the kiss slows down, and she sighs as her hands slide from his hair to his cheeks, her fingers rubbing against his stubbly cheeks as her hands settle on either side of his face—and he swears that he can feel her smiling.

Slowly, he pulls back, and when does his breath catches at the back of his throat and his eyes grow wide because it’s no longer the Evil Queen standing there with him, but Regina— _his_ Regina, blinking back at him with a dazed little grin.

“What… just happened?”

And he’s not entirely sure—it had all happened so quickly, and he wasn’t even sure that it would work—but as he stares back at her, he slowly realizes that it did. His smile deepens and he reaches for her hand, giving it a little squeeze. “I think… I think that was a True Love’s Kiss.”

“You… kissed the Evil Queen.”

“I kissed _you_.”

“And she… turned into me?”

“I… I think so,” he says as Regina nods and he watches as a small smile edges onto her lips, and she laughs a little, her hand settling on her stomach as her eyes sink closed. “Regina, do you…”

“I can _feel_ her,” she tells him, the relief evident in every voice and in her eyes. “I feel like _me_ again.”

“So, she’s…”

“A part of me again,” she says, almost breathlessly as she smiles and the relief so evident in her eyes—and then, he sees it, that alluring flicker of fire that had left her when the Evil Queen had—and he smiles, too.  He’s glad to have _her_ back. Her arms link around his neck and he pulls her close, nuzzling against her. “Thank you,” she murmurs, her voice hitching in her throat. “Thank for loving _her_.” He only nods and presses a kiss to her hair—glad that she’s finally able to acknowledge and accept that even the worst and darkest piece of her is deserving of love.


End file.
